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Just a confuse young man's life story, advice appreciated.
Hello,
Wanted to share my life with this community to get a view from outside, if you have a few minutes.
I was deluded into thinking from young age that I should have classic life path have an education, make a career, have a partner, buy a home, have kids and live a happy life.
So there I was went after education, met a girl and found a job.
But my previously sought after life path started falling part and I saw how deluded I was.
Firstly, by having a look at how many years it will take just to buy a place to live in the current city I live. That made me so anxious and sad, so I looked into how to get that much money as fast as possible.
That in turn made me realize how much more stress a better paying career will add to my life, just to fulfill a desire of having my own place and then what ? Have kids that would have to repeat the same cycle of suffering along with taking my freedom for many years to come ?
So I dropped the idea of having kids now, that made me a little less anxious.
And now I am battling myself is it worth it to try to get as much money to be financially independent or not. Currently I have a job in IT, but I've lost any motivation for it so I'll be quitting soon and will take a simple job or maybe learn a trade.
But is there a point to this ? Suppose I will become financially independent, what then ? Nothing, blank state, even if I try to take a hobby or two that's just deluding myself further and wasting my life away.
Maybe I should try to get new sensual experiences food, travel, sports, video games or other activities, but isn't that a temporary solution to a permanent problem ?
I've been interested in Buddhism since I was 15 it somehow finds its way into my life. I don't know what to do at this point, I don't see any goals anymore. The thought of monastic life seems more and more appealing nowadays, because it's either that or living a directionless life and working myself to oblivion.
Does it make sense or am I delusional and can't see it ? Anyone who have been through a similar situation maybe can share their experiences what have you done ? I am not depressed by any means, just confused because I can't solve this question and it's always on my mind.
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DTH - RIP-OSG- BIG SLEEP- BJR- CSOD - CONSC SOUL OR DUST- BTPT -BACK TO PDIC TABLE
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Samvega was what the young Prince Siddhartha felt on his first exposure to aging, illness, and death. It's a hard word to translate because it covers such a complex range — at least three clusters of feelings at once: the oppressive sense of shock, dismay, and alienation that come with realizing the futility and meaninglessness of life as it's normally lived; a chastening sense of our own complacency and foolishness in having let ourselves live so blindly; and an anxious sense of urgency in trying to find a way out of the meaningless cycle. This is a cluster of feelings we've all experienced at one time or another in the process of growing up, but I don't know of a single English term that adequately covers all three. It would be useful to have such a term, and maybe that's reason enough for simply adopting the word samvega into our language.
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