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Grief × Continuing Bonds × Psychology
1️⃣ What Is Grief?
In psychology, grief is the emotional, cognitive, and behavioral response to loss — most commonly the death of a loved one, but also divorce, illness, or major life change.
Early influential work by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described five common emotional experiences:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
Modern psychology emphasizes that grief is not linear. It is personal, fluctuating, and culturally shaped.
2️⃣ What Is the Continuing Bonds Theory?
The Continuing Bonds theory (1996), introduced by Dennis Klass, Phyllis Silverman, and Steven Nickman, challenged the older belief that “healthy grieving” requires detachment.
Instead, they proposed:
Healthy grieving often involves maintaining an ongoing inner relationship with the deceased.
Rather than “letting go,” people may:
Talk to the deceased internally
Keep belongings
Celebrate birthdays
Seek guidance from their memory
Feel their presence
This bond shifts from physical to symbolic, emotional, or spiritual.
3️⃣ How Psychology Views Continuing Bonds Today
Modern grief psychology recognizes two major perspectives:
🔹 Older Model (Detachment-Based)
Influenced by Freud’s mourning and melancholia
Emphasized withdrawing emotional energy from the deceased
🔹 Contemporary Model (Relational-Based)
Continuing connection can be healthy
Meaning-making is central
Bonds are restructured, not erased
Research shows continuing bonds are:
✔️ Adaptive when comforting and integrated
❌ Potentially problematic if they prevent functioning or acceptance of reality
4️⃣ The Dual Process Model Connection
Another important theory is the Dual Process Model by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut.
It proposes that grieving people oscillate between:
Loss-oriented coping (crying, remembering, longing)
Restoration-oriented coping (adjusting to life changes)
Continuing bonds often exist in the loss-oriented space, while adaptation happens in the restoration space.
5️⃣ Types of Continuing Bonds
Psychologists identify different forms:
| Type | Example |
|---|---|
| Symbolic | Wearing a ring, keeping photos |
| Internalized | “What would they advise me?” |
| Spiritual | Feeling watched over |
| Narrative | Keeping their story alive |
6️⃣ When Continuing Bonds Become Complicated
In some cases, grief becomes prolonged or impairing. This may align with what is now recognized as Prolonged Grief Disorder in diagnostic systems.
Signs may include:
Persistent intense longing
Difficulty accepting the death
Identity disruption
Functional impairment
Here, bonds may feel frozen rather than transformed.
Core Psychological Insight
Grief is not about ending love.
It is about transforming attachment.
Continuing Bonds theory reframes healing as:
“Learning how to carry the person differently.”
If you'd like, I can also:
Explain this from an attachment theory perspective
Connect it to trauma psychology
Explore cultural differences
Or help apply it to a case study
What direction are you thinking?
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