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Here are 3 practical examples based on the lessons from The Next Conversation by Jefferson Fisher:
1. From conflict to understanding (Lesson: Don’t aim to win, aim to understand)
Scenario: A coworker criticizes your project in a meeting.
Typical response: “That’s wrong, here’s why you’re mistaken.” → Leads to defensiveness.
Fisher approach:
Pause and take a breath (control).
Ask: “Can you help me understand your concern?” (confidence + connection)
Listen actively and summarize: “So you feel the timeline is too tight. Did I get that right?”
Outcome: Turns a potential argument into a collaborative problem-solving discussion.
2. Using the three-part system: Control, Confidence, Connection
Scenario: Negotiating a raise with your manager.
Fisher approach:
Control: Calmly prepare your points, manage nervous energy.
Confidence: State clearly: “Based on my contributions over the past year, I believe a raise of X% is appropriate.”
Connection: Ask for feedback and express appreciation: “I’d love your thoughts on how I can continue to grow in this role.”
Outcome: You communicate assertively without sounding aggressive, fostering mutual respect.
3. Choosing words carefully (Lesson: Less is often more)
Scenario: A friend is upset with something you said.
Typical response: “I didn’t mean it, it was just a joke, you’re overreacting.” → Often escalates the situation.
Fisher approach:
Take a moment to pause (control).
Say: “I hear that what I said upset you. That wasn’t my intention. Can we talk about it?” (concise, “I” statement, connecting tone)
Outcome: You acknowledge feelings, avoid blame, and invite dialogue.
If you want, I can create a mini “cheat sheet” with 5–10 more ready-to-use conversation examples following Fisher’s method—perfect for real-life situations like work, friends, or family.
Do you want me to make that?
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