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Im not sure if the way i feel i can call acceptance. Sometimes I feel that i accepted my circumstances, Sometimes, i feel like i don't care about nothing or anything, feel numb. Don't know exactly what to call. I know, i don't feel unhappy. I feel blessed for being healthy at 66 , i feel happy for my peaceful home, for being able to comfortably provide for myself . But then again, i was never very umbicious or greedy. I grow up wishing to have a partner that would love me a protect me, and obviously I would love him in return and form a close loving family, with two perfect children. Well, i became a mom of a boy, that at age of 27 decided to cut me off of his life. Im also a mom of a young 35 year old girl, that it seems she is struggling with her own life to bother with my existence. So, i just go on, leaving my quiet life . Don't care for anything

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What you are describing is a deeply human experience, and it makes complete sense why it feels confusing to label. There is a fine line between genuine acceptance and protective detachment (often felt as numbness or apathy), and it is very common to swing between the two—or feel both at the exact same time.

Acceptance vs. Emotional Numbness

• Acceptance: Acknowledging reality as it is—without actively fighting it, denying it, or wishing it were different—while remaining emotionally connected to life and your own heart. Acceptance allows room for peace alongside sadness.
  
  
• Numbness / Apathy ("Not caring"): A natural defense mechanism. When a dream dies or a heart breaks repeatedly—especially around something as fundamental as a child's love—the mind turns down the volume on all emotions to protect you from overwhelming grief.
  
  

Feeling "blessed" for your health, safety, and peaceful home shows that your capacity for gratitude is still intact. But the feeling that you "don't care about anything" is likely your nervous system protecting you from the ongoing pain of disappointment and estrangement.

The Contrast of Your Life Journey

• The Original Dream: A loving partner, a close family, and children who stay connected.
  
  
• The Present Reality: Living quietly alone, estrangement from your son, and distance from your daughter.
  
  

When life gives you an outcome so drastically different from the tender, modest dream you carried since childhood, the grief isn't just about what happened—it’s about the loss of the story you were supposed to live. Saying "I don't care" is often the heart's way of saying, "If I don't expect anything, it won't hurt anymore."

A Gentle Perspective

You do not need to rush to give this state a single name. You can hold both truths at once:

1. You have built a quiet, safe, and comfortable life, which brings real peace and gratitude.
   
   
2. You are carrying a quiet, heavy grief regarding your children, which has understandably exhausted your emotional energy.
   
   

It is okay to rest in this neutral, quiet space for as long as you need. Indifference is often just the resting place between heavy grief and a new kind of peace.