Friday, 30 January 2026

Yesss, TA is such a clean lens for human behavior. Let’s make it super simple and usable.

Transactional Analysis (Eric Berne) says we operate from three ego states — not ages, but modes of functioning.

🧠 Transactional Analysis (TA) — P A C Model

Ego State	What It Is	Voice in Your Head Sounds Like	Typical Words	Simple Everyday Example
👨‍👩‍👧 PARENT	Learned rules, beliefs, judgments, nurturing or controlling behaviors copied from authority figures	“This is how it should be.”	should, must, always, never	“You should wear a jacket, you’ll catch a cold.”
🧑 ADULT	Rational, present-moment thinking; processes facts without emotional charge	“What are the facts right now?”	what, how, when, data	“It’s 10°C outside. A jacket would make you more comfortable.”
👶 CHILD	Feelings, impulses, creativity, fear, joy, rebellion — our emotional self	“I feel / I want / I don’t like this.”	want, hate, love, scared	“I don’t want to wear it, it feels uncomfortable!”

🔍 The Subtypes (this is where it gets powerful)

Ego State	Type	Description	Example
Parent	🧱 Critical Parent	Judging, controlling, moralizing	“That’s lazy. Do it properly.”
	🤗 Nurturing Parent	Caring, supportive, protective	“You look tired, take a break.”
Child	🎈 Free Child	Playful, curious, spontaneous	“Let’s skip work and go to the beach!”
	🙇 Adapted Child	Compliant, anxious, people-pleasing	“Okay… I’ll do it, don’t be mad.”
	🔥 Rebellious Child	Resistant, defiant	“You can’t make me!”

Stimulus and response come from matching states.

Person A	→	Person B	Result
Adult: “What time is the meeting?”	→	Adult: “3 PM.”	Smooth communication

Response comes from a different ego state than expected.

Person A	→	Person B	Result
Adult: “Did you finish the report?”	→	Child: “Why are you always pressuring me?!”	Conflict

Words say one thing (Adult), tone carries another (Child or Parent).

Surface Message	Psychological Message
“Are you going to eat all that?”	“You’re being greedy.” (Critical Parent)

Situation: Partner forgot to buy groceries.

Ego State Response	What It Sounds Like
Critical Parent	“You never remember anything. So irresponsible.”
Nurturing Parent	“No worries, we’ll figure something out.”
Adult	“We’re out of food. Let’s order in or shop now.”
Adapted Child	“Sorry… I mess everything up.”
Rebellious Child	“Fine! Next time YOU do it.”
Free Child	“Oops 😂 Breakfast for dinner?”

Not to eliminate Parent or Child — they’re necessary.

Psychological health = Adult in the driver’s seat
with access to:

Parent = what you were taught
Child = what you felt
Adult = what is real right now

If you want, I can next show: