I can understand why you are upset,

Attempts to support others that are phrased in the wrong way can increase stress rather than decrease it.

Validating other people’s feelings is the best way to provide support when they are stressed, new research finds.

For example, saying “I can understand why you are upset,” is a helpful response.

Implicit in this message is agreement with — and acceptance of — the person’s feelings.

Other examples of supportive messages that are effective include:

• “I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m worried about you and how you must be feeling right now.”
• “It’s understandable that you are stressed out since it’s something you really care about”

In contrast, saying “Just don’t think about it,” is not a helpful response because it denies the person’s feelings.

Saying this tends to minimise the other person’s emotions and can be experienced as critical.

Attempts to support others that are phrased in the wrong way can increase stress rather than decrease it, psychologists have found.