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Thank you for sharing Mochin. It seems as if you have well-analyzed your ‘problem’ (of how to watch thoughts) and arrived at the conclusion that your best next step is to ‘finish stopping meditation.’ And that’s fine. Meditation is not for everybody, and it may not be the best approach for you. Perhaps the most effective approach for you at this time would be to dive deep in to the Collected Works of Ramana Maharshi and his path (non-path) of self-inquiry. If you read this deep & wonderful collection, you will know within the first few chapters whether this approach could work for you.

If you do go deep enough into the path of self-inquiry to let go of your mental/ego construct and judgments, you will discover that a few of your above conclusions are erroneous:

I can't watch thoughts because I am part of them…

You are not part of your thoughts. This is an illusion. In order to make this statement you must first know who the “I” is, and you do not yet know. You think the ”I” is your thinking mind, and your body/brain mechanisms.

this awerness is also another thought thining of the past thoughts…I feel after 18 mounths of meditation that the real me is that thought…

No, awareness is not another thought. There cannot be two thoughts in your mind at the same instant. So if you have a thought, about anything, and you are aware of it, the awareness must be something other than another thought. Example: You step outside and view the Sun. Your mind registers the Sun that you can see. That is step 1, your body mechanism (brain & optic nerve) registering an object. Then from memory, a thought arises, “Ah, this is the Sun.” You recognize all the attributes - shape, color, brightness, etc.- from memory, and also the label you attach to this object - Sun - comes from memory. That is step 2. You may also have additional thoughts about it, “The Sun is bright,” or “If I stare at the Sun I will harm the part of body known as retina.”

Behind all of that is Awareness. Something is aware, not only of the Sun and your mind’s judgments about it, but of your thoughts and thought process. Otherwise, you could not & would not say, “I have thoughts about this object, the Sun, that I’m seeing.” Who is the “I” that has thoughts? What is possessing these thoughts. Certainly not another thought; a thought can’t ‘possess’ other thoughts. What is that pure Awareness that allows you to know you exist, even before you add any thoughts or conclusions about your existence? What is that pure Awareness that is aware you have thoughts, and allows you to say “I have thoughts?” If Awareness were thoughts (i.e.if “we” were our thoughts) we would not say “I have thoughts,” we would say “I am thoughts,” is it not so?

So, I can onlu watch thoughts that happened in past but I never success to catch thought when it arises in present moment,

This is true of mind but not of Awareness. Your mind can only watch thoughts that happened in the past, your mind can never catch the present moment. But it doesn’t need to. Awareness, your true Seat, is already dwelling full-time in the present moment, and that’s who you are. You don’t need to catch it, become it or even realize it. You already are That.