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Here’s a summary of the key points in bullet format:

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🧠 Seizures: A Terrifying Yet Transformative Experience

• Initial Experience:

  • First seizure occurred on a hot day in Boulder, Colorado.

  • Sudden onset of dizziness, confusion, and dissociation while at a grocery store.

  • Experienced a seizure aura with intense sensory perceptions and detachment from self.

  • Felt suspended in space and time, with loss of identity and agency.

• Medical Context:

  • Diagnosed with tonic-clonic (grand mal) seizures, involving both brain hemispheres.

  • Seizures were not linked to any detectable brain abnormality (normal CAT scan & EEG).

  • Onset led to fear, isolation, and constant anxiety about recurrence.

• Contrasting Emotions:

  • A complex blend of trauma and fascination.

  • Experienced moments of peace and liberation from mental noise during aura.

  • Internal conflict: fear of losing control vs. awe at altered consciousness.

• Cultural and Historical Perspectives:

  • Ancient views saw epilepsy as demonic possession or divine touch.

  • Historically, sufferers were both ostracized and revered depending on context.

  • Examples include Dostoyevsky and religious figures (e.g., Saint Paul) who may have had ecstatic seizures.

• Modern Accounts of Seizures:

  • Seizures can evoke spiritual or hallucinatory experiences, ranging from bliss to horror.

  • Descriptions include sensations of divine presence, vibrant visuals, or existential dread.

  • Experiences differ based on seizure type and brain region involved.

• Neurological Insights:

  • Seizures can affect perception like psychedelics do.

  • Highlight the fragility and complexity of the brain’s neuronal network.

  • Undermine the illusion of complete control over one’s mind and body.

• Personal Growth:

  • Seizures led to a deeper appreciation of consciousness and self-awareness.

  • Sparked a shift from fear to curiosity and self-care.

  • Inspired a path toward science journalism to explore the human mind.

• Final Reflection:

  • Seizures redefined the author's understanding of self—not as a controller, but as part of a greater process ("the music").

  • Seen not solely as a loss of control but also as a profound awakening.

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