AThe person in that passage is describing a psychological journey from fearing death to accepting it, not because death became pleasant, but because prolonged exposure to the reality of mortality changed their relationship to it.
Several themes are operating beneath the surface:
1. Familiarity reduced the terror
Most people's fear of death is fueled by uncertainty. Death exists as an unknown future event that can be imagined in countless horrifying ways.
For this person, two cancer diagnoses over six years forced them to confront mortality repeatedly. Instead of death being an abstract possibility, it became a concrete reality that required thought and preparation. They had years to ask themselves questions such as:
How do I want to die?
What treatments would I accept?
What matters to me if time becomes limited?
What am I afraid of?
Many people find that sustained reflection gradually weakens the panic. The mind cannot remain at peak terror forever. Eventually it begins adapting.
2. Their mother's death changed their expectations
A major source of your fear seems to be the physical process itself:
What if I suffocate?
What if the pain is unimaginable?
The writer's experience with their mother provided a different model.
They witnessed a death that was not violent, frantic, or agonizing. Instead, they saw someone gradually lose consciousness and then stop breathing peacefully while loved ones were present.
That experience likely challenged the common image many people carry of death as a moment of overwhelming horror.
In reality, many deaths—particularly when good palliative care is available—do not resemble the dramatic scenes people imagine. As the body shuts down, consciousness often fades before severe distress is experienced.
3. They separate dying from being dead
There are actually two fears that people often combine:
Fear of dying
Pain
Breathlessness
Loss of control
Medical complications
Fear of being dead
Nonexistence
Oblivion
Separation from loved ones
What happens afterward
The writer appears to have made a distinction between these.
They acknowledge that dying is a process. But once death occurs, they believe there is no consciousness remaining to suffer or worry.
Their reasoning is essentially:
If there is no awareness after death, there is nobody left to experience fear, regret, loneliness, or terror.
For them, that removes a huge burden.
4. They reject the idea of an enduring spirit
You specifically mentioned:
What if you survive it in spirit and go on suffocating?
That fear has existed in many forms throughout human history. Some people worry that consciousness continues after death in a frightening state.
The writer does not share that belief.
They believe consciousness is generated by the brain and ends when the brain dies. Therefore, they see no possibility of continued suffering after death.
Their view could be summarized as:
The experience of dying may happen.
The experience of being dead does not.
Whether one agrees with that philosophy or not, it provides them with comfort because it eliminates the possibility of endless post-death terror.
5. Creating meaning helped them accept mortality
Notice the final sentence:
I have left my body for medical research.
This is important psychologically.
By deciding what will happen to their body after death, they transformed death from a purely passive event into something that can still contribute to others.
Many people find peace through similar choices:
Organ donation
Medical research donation
Creating a will
Leaving letters for family
Supporting future generations
These acts provide a sense that one's life continues to have impact even if one's consciousness does not.
As for your own fear, what stands out is that you're imagining death as an ongoing conscious experience:
I'll suffocate.
The pain will be unbearable.
Maybe I'll still be aware afterward and keep suffocating.
That is a particularly frightening mental image because it combines three fears at once:
Physical suffering.
Loss of control.
Endless continuation of the suffering.
Many people who fear death aren't actually afraid of nonexistence itself—they're afraid of a catastrophic experience surrounding death.
The person in the passage arrived at peace by questioning each of those assumptions. They saw evidence that dying can be gentle, concluded that death itself is not experienced, and spent years emotionally preparing for the reality of mortality.
Their acceptance didn't come from believing death is good. It came from no longer believing it is necessarily the endless horror they once imagined.
No, it does not frighten me. I have been diagnosed with two different cancers in the last 6 years. The first had a high success rate of treatment and long term survival, the second does not. Over the last six years I’ve had a lot of time to think about how I would wish to die when the time comes and that has allowed me to put those thoughts to one side.
I sat with my mother when she died in 2013. She slipped quietly into unconsciousness, took a final breath and died while my sister and I held her hand. It was the peaceful and gentle death I hope I will have myself.
I have no belief in any kind of afterlife or enduring spirit so what happens to me when I am dead does not concern me which is why I have left my body for medical research.
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