U curve. Pleasure v Pain

 The balance of pleasure and pain actually changes a lot across the lifespan, and the pattern surprises many people.

Researchers studying wellbeing across age consistently find a “U-shaped happiness curve.”

The U-Shaped Happiness Curve

In fields like Happiness Economics and Positive Psychology, large datasets from groups like Gallup show that wellbeing typically follows this pattern:

Life stage	Typical emotional balance	Why
Childhood (5–12)	Very high pleasure	Curiosity, play, low responsibility
Teen years (13–19)	Slight drop	Identity stress, social comparison
Young adulthood (20–35)	Mixed	Career pressure, relationships, uncertainty
Midlife (35–55)	Lowest point	Work stress, financial pressure, caregiving
Older adulthood (60+)	Rises again	Perspective, emotional regulation

By the time people reach their 60s and 70s, many report higher daily happiness than people in their 20s.

Psychologist Laura Carstensen explains this with Socioemotional Selectivity Theory:

• As people realize time is limited, they prioritize meaningful experiences and relationships.
• They avoid unnecessary stress and conflict more effectively.

Approximate Pleasure vs Pain Across Life

A rough simplified model from wellbeing studies might look like:

Age	Positive experience	Neutral	Negative
Childhood	~70–75%	~20%	~5–10%
Young adults	~60–65%	~25%	~10–15%
Midlife	~55–60%	~25–30%	~15–20%
Older adults	~65–75%	~20–25%	~5–10%

Why older people often feel better emotionally

Three big reasons:

1. Better emotional control
2. Lower expectations / more acceptance
3. Focus on relationships rather than achievement

Interestingly, this means the last decades of life are often emotionally among the best, even though physical health may decline.

One more surprising fact

People are terrible at predicting their future happiness. Studies by psychologists like Daniel Gilbert show we consistently overestimate how long pain will last and underestimate our ability to adapt.

✅ Simple takeaway:

Across a full lifetime, the emotional balance tends to look roughly like:

• Pleasure / positive: ~65%
• Neutral: ~25%
• Pain / negative: ~10–15%

But the lowest point is usually midlife, not old age.

If you’re curious, there’s also a much darker philosophical view (argued by thinkers like Arthur Schopenhauer) claiming life contains more suffering than pleasure. The argument is surprisingly influential and very different from psychology research. I can explain that too if you want.