Assertiveness. Being rude for free

"Without some discomfort or dissatisfaction, why would it occur to anyone to change their self or their experience? Probably because we spend most of our time running from pain, we don’t notice it is a constant motivating factor that affects everything we do or consider doing in life. … One unmentioned element of our wheel is that we’re not just chasing the cheese, we are also running from the ever-present threat of the “cat” behind us —pain. Our fear of pain is actually part of the same activity as our desire for pleasure."

"Consider how you might feel if, rather than automatically reacting to evade, resist, or suppress yoru suffering, you should shift your perception of it such that you appreciate or even embrace your pain. Allowing yourself to fully face suffering as it arises would dramatically alter your relationship to it. … If you could somehow enjoy your suffering or at least embrace it, how could the avoidance of it remain such a great motivator? … The whatever degree pain loses power over you, that is the degree to which you will be freed of its dominance and influence."

"Just as you can embrace a person, or lean your body into the wind, or savor a delicious food, you can do something similar with your feelings and attention in regard to suffering. You can move your feeling-attention to fully inhabit any experience at hand."

"Once you eliminate the foundation assumption that the pain should be avoided, it becomes possible to view and feel the experience more for what it is, as simply an experience. You then shift to a position from which you can inquire more deeply into the matter: What is this experience? What does this pain serve? … Discovering the purpose that some specific experience [ie: suffering] serves — why it seemed necessary to have it arise—allows the possibility of taking action to modify or eliminate your need for this service."

"Let’s be clear, when I speak of suffering I’m not just talking about the obviously painful times such as getting your heart broke, or losing a loved one, or dealing with a paindful disease or injury. Also consider the suffering you experience and may sometimes overlook in common feelings such as loneliness, jealousy, boredom, confusion, fear, despair, sadness, anxiety, embarrasment, bitterness, stress, anger, shame, and many other feelings subtle an gross. Try to grasp how suffering is always found in “relational” dispositions such as feeling superior or inferior, being a bully, needing to be right, being controlling, playing the victim, being a drama queen, needing to be witty, needing or fearing any particular outcome, big or small —these are all occasions that inherently engender suffering."

— Peter Ralston